great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
