She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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