Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
