i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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