Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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