i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
