If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
