just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
