well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
