She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
