babies were throwing up all over the place
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
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