guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
