Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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