When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
