Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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