she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
