Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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