dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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