Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
