we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
