Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
