Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
