I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
