They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
