I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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