My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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