the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I wear drunk well.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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