when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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