Tell her she can't have a vagina
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I look better un-naked...
I need to stop coming to work sober
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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