dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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