im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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