I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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