Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
