If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How naked do you want me to be?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
