Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
