just come out here and I will go home with you...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
