Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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