i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
