so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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