Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
