I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
