your thong is hanging out like whoa
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
