well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
