You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
