i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
