how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
