Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
