Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
