So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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