when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You were trust falling into bushes
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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