I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Don't make out with my wife yet
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
