the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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