if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
