shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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