So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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