they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
