She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
