So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
