Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
