There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
