on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
