is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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